No Bitch, Maybe You’re The Problem!!!

If you’re like me, you want to not die alone. And if you are like me you are awkward as f@#$ and can’t talk to pretty girls. And when you do they treat you like the plague. It’s either they are taken or tell you they are, so you do not pursue them.

What do you do? Do you A) Change teams and become super gay? B) Become A-sexual or get a blow up doll? C) Kill yourself?

I hope you do none of those things because A) I don’t think that’s how it works. B) Blow up dolls don’t look appealing and scare me. C) It’s harder to tie a noose than you think.

More importantly though, in this day and age, you can meet chicks even on your phone. There’s Tinder and POF and countless other bullshit sites that give you the much needed hope so you don’t choose one of the devil’s three options. I opted with Tinder and POF recently.

I started with eharmony a few years back. I didn’t want to, cuz there was a stigma. But I was a good looking fit actor dude at the time, yet none of the girls I liked ever reciprocated. They didn’t even want to be friends. So I finally tried online dating. I signed up for eharmony. I even put money into it. Unless you are a hot babe, or a good looking white guy, I would say don’t bother. I had like 500 matches and not a single conversation let alone a date. The site is a crock, when you get close to the end of your subscription, they have a fake girl send you a message. So do not use them. That’s really mean to play with someone’s feelings like that. FRAKK THOSE MUDDERFRAKKERS!!

Fast forward a few years. Again no relationships. Got close to a couple girls. I went out with one. But nothing more. And at this point in the game, I actually fear that I will be dying alone. I’m not the fit good looking actor dude anymore. So I go on POF. Nothing. A year later I’m on Tinder, bunch of matches…most of them hookers, cam girls or non responsive. The others were mis-swipes. So I give POF again. I make this profile as legit as possible. Guess what…nothing! That’s not true, there’s one chick who wrote me, wrote her…she didn’t write me back. Pretty much nothing.

Put yourself in my shoes, at this point are you thinking the devil’s options? You can’t!! As awful as I feel to write a girl, see that she’s read it, and then get no reply. You really can’t. I don’t know what the next step is. But I can’t sitting here looking at myself as unlovable. Nor should you.

I know for one I’m a pretty decent person, decent looking, kind, down to Earth and funny…kinda. I would be a pretty decent catch. I’m gonna understand my own faults and work on them, but at the same time look at these chicks and look at their faults and know that they aren’t perfect either. That maybe just maybe, these bitches aren’t worth my time and part of the problem lies within them. I may be kinda tubby and weird looking…and weird but listen bitch:

YOU ARE WAY TOO CAUGHT UP IN SPELLING. How many profiles have I read where there is a paragraph disclaimer focused on warning guys “if you can’t spell don’t message me”. What if the guy has a learning disability? Dyslexic. But is a legit dude?! That probably shouldn’t be a deal breaker!

YOU LOVE MONEY AND SUCCESS WAY TOO MUCH!! Some of the worst people I’ve met in my life are people in high paying jobs with some authority. Are you friggin crazy to get caught up in this?!!!! Money and success should not remotely play a part. I would never be like this girl is a babe, she’s smart and funny, and kind…but no, she doesn’t make a lot of money. And if a woman says it’s different. I say frakk you, you feminist! You’re full of shit, equality my ass.

“DON’T MESSAGE ME IF YOU ONLY SAY HI” Woman, are you kidding me?! How do you introduce yourself in real life? Do you go up to a guy and drop jokes out of the blue? Do you think outside the box to sweep the person off his feet? No you flipping don’t!!!! You say Hi my name is. Or how are you? Then you talk. That’s how this shit should work. “Hi ____ I read your profile I think you are a cool person. I love Arrow too! Would you like to chat?” What more do you want from me?

YOU WANT A GOOD, FUNNY, NICE, RICH, TALL, GOOD LOOKING, SUCCESSFUL, TALENTED, KIND, GOOD HEARTED, WORLD TRAVELER, YOUR BEST FRIEND, GOOD IN THE SACK, CULTURED man. If I were all of those things, do you think I’d be on POF? You dumb #$%^!!!!!!!!!

I just think it’s so bullshit that these cats go on here and say they don’t like guys who have shirtless pics, which is fine cuz that’s douchey. But they make it seem like looks don’t matter, a sense of humour and a kind heart is enough. Then I message them, and they’re “like get out of here Asian guy! I’m looking for a sexy white white knight. Go do my dry cleaning!”

I’ve recently lowered my standard and still have gotten the same bullshit. Ideally for me anyway, is to have met a girl in highschool or in college and lived happily ever after. None of us are on these sites cuz it’s ideal. I see a lot of 30 year olds on there. Let’s be cool and look at people who though may not be perfect but might be really cool to at least get to know if not date. There’s a lot wrong with me. But I’d be a decent catch, at least a really good friend. If you can’t see that, even enough to respond, well frakk you, you deserve to be single and on POF too!

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