How Santa Lives

Hey hey, how’ve you been? Have you been wandering the wasteland as well? I’m taking a little break from my trip to write this.

It just hit me, how does these fake Santa’s live? We all know how the real Santa lives…with slaves making his knockoff toys, governing reindeer politics, and with banging a 20 year old for life Mrs. Claus.

But these fake Santas, like for the parades and stuff, how do they live? Do they have gigs throughout the year? Or are they “training” 24/7 to get in Santa shape. It can’t be easy to belt Ho Ho Ho for 3 hours straight without some training.

Do they have a union that sustains them all year? In Toronto, rent isn’t cheap, how much money do they make being a mall Santa? It must be like 12 grand a day.

The “training” they do to look like a fat decrepit dude sounds like a program I’m down for. Wake up and down a gallon of hot coco. Gingerbread for lunch. Candy canes for a snack. And a giant pizza for 6 for 1 for dinner. Never exercise. Come to think of it, I’m already on that program.

I feel like these guys who have to be the cheeriest mudder effers at Christmas must be really sad throughout the year.

What do you think? Would you like to live like Santa? What do you think that is?

Till Next Time,

Later Gator

Kenny

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